Saturday, August 29, 2015

My Own God

When I was a kid,they fed me with the thoughts that our ultimate goal in life is to enter heaven, we have to fear God all the time and bring others to God’s path. It took me a while really, to wash away those thoughts because they somehow found a way to etch deeply on my mind for a long time.

For me Religion is not about accumulating points to enter heaven, it’s about making this world a better place to live, for all. I don’t believe in the hereafter, I don’t find a purpose to have all the grand things in heaven after I die. If I said this aloud, I would be condemned in all ways. My family members literally hate the way I think. Some thought Education has made me this way, or love had changed me. It irked me when my father told me not to read certain books. The ugly truth IS the concept they preach! It loathes me, and had made me succumb to this decision, to abandon Religion altogether.

I created my own God, the one who shares the same vision as mine, the one who loves me for who I am. They said my life is meaningless without Religion and God. They still didn’t get that I am happier this way.  For them it’s fine if I am miserable in the shackles of Religion as long as I don’t abandon it.

I stop praying, I am still wearing my headscarf because it has been a part of me for a long time, the part of me that I find it difficult to shed away. I started wearing hijab when I was 11 years old, because of the peer pressure that surrounds me and all I want to do that time was to win over the hearts of people around me. Now I find myself trapped in this identity that I don’t believe anymore. More importantly, I choose to keep it on my head all the time to make my mother happy. I fast in the Ramadan to make my mother feel good. Nothing more, nothing less.


I just hope someday I will find my own home, create my own my family and make this world a better place for my children. 

7 comments:

  1. You know what, I have been like this ever since I can remember. Finding my way about religion, God.. I started seeking answers since what people around me told couldn't convince me.

    It's best to seek and find for oneself and the fact that you are doing it in spite of many circumstantial hurdles shows your strength. Stay blessed.

    P.S: I have tagged you in a quote challenge, do take it up if you are interested: http://www.keirthana.in/blog/2015/08/29/quote-challenge-23/

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  2. Religion is what you need it to be.

    I hope you are okay?

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  3. AMEN to that thought and GOD willing I am sure you will one day

    Bikram's

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  4. Religion can be such a beautiful thing and it saddens me so much that you have been presented with forced to live with such a twisted version of religion. I do hope that you develop a relationship with your God and find peace.

    As always, I am here.

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  5. I understand everyone has their own versions of what Islam is, but what your family taught you about solely entering into heaven and making others walk on the same path is only partly true. You are happy with the religion you believe in, I respect that but trust me Islam is much more than that and it's a beautiful religion. You should read the Qur'an, you'll know the gems it carries and it is nothing like what the society feeds our brains with since childhood.
    Hope you find your happiness and peace in this world and hereafter ofcourse. TC xx


    - girlwiththeblackdiary.blogspot.com

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  6. Sweetheart, our existence finite is determined by ourselves; I mean, this isnt TheEnd. Take your thumb and index finger and make a tiny space in between - precisely how long our lifelong demise is, dear, thus we're Divinely Judged in the General Judgment on how worthy our lives were; how we lived, did we worship Almighty God, did we love our neighbor... ?? Follow us and wiseabove.

    What's your address in the hereafter, dear? Dunno? Mine's 111 Rock-Solid-Ave, Milky Weight, Seventh-Heaven. My droolin' mansion? Ha. A grandiose, 3-acre-stuccoish home in a cul-de-sac with mountain-bike-trails we may conform with our thots. My intimacy with women Upstairs? Includes skiing, surfin, snorklin, scarlet scent to snuggle and serve: slow, soft, supersonic sex; love making is like an explosion, like fireworks: you light each other's fuse in Heaven (never on earth unless you're married). But, yet, a sassy, savvy, passionate antidote, too: plethora abundance of high-degree, ultra-psychotropic, kick-ass, party-hardy, white-water-rawwness every, single, evening with guhroovilishous avatars, tender faeries, cereal killers and symbiotic, front-row-seats. My many planets and gorgeous girls? Gotta gobba lotta IQ, too, withe K2 orchestra only accessable to adolescents: TOTALLY YOURS!!! How? Gotta! accept! Jesus, dudess!! So, let's accelerate to the Maximum #@!!☆ POW!er; let's populate the universe, girl, withe afterglow of loyalty to the Bright Son. Wanna join me in God's wild Kingdome? Time, as an entity, is also mortal: while thars no time in Seventh-Heaven, yet, puuuh-lenty of time to love. Yummm...

    ...cuzz the only other realm aint too cool: a sweltering, cramped cell; BeavisNbutthead sawing-off your cranium with a chainsaw; o'er-the-Hillary profusely cakkkling for the length and breadth of eternity. How purrrecious! sez Gollum. 'Nuff sed. Decide NOW where YOU wanna spend eternity.

    MyCrucifixIsMyFix.blogspot.com -or- thesuperseedoftime.blogspot.com
    -blessed b9

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  7. Thank you for this wonderful post, I want to use this opportunity to share about My life how I strunggled with Hiv/Aids Disease before the Lord Jesus in my life as a candle light in the darkness. You showed me the meaning of faith with your words. I know that even when I cried all day thinking about how to recover, you were not sleeping, you were dear to me. I contacted the herbal center Dr Itua, who lived in West Africa. A friend of mine here in Hamburg is also from Africa. She told me about African herbs but I was nervous. I am very afraid when it comes to Africa because I heard many terrible things about them because of my Christianity. god for direction, take a bold step and get in touch with him in the email and then move to WhatsApp, he asked me if I can come for treatment or I want a delivery, I told him I wanted to know him I buy ticket in 2 ways to Africa To meet Dr. Itua, I went there and I was speechless from the people I saw there. Patent, sick people. Itua is a god sent to the world, I told my pastor about what I am doing, Pastor Bill Scheer. We have a real battle beautifully with Spirit and Flesh. Adoration that same night. He prayed for me and asked me to lead. I spent 2 weeks and 2 days in Africa at Dr Itua Herbal Home. After the treatment, he asked me to meet his nurse for the HIV test when I did it. It was negative, I asked my friend to take me to another nearby hospital when I arrived, it was negative. I was overwhite with the result, but happy inside of me. We went with Dr. Itua, I thank him but I explain that I do not have enough to show him my appreciation, that he understands my situation, but I promise that he will testify about his good work. Thank God for my dear friend, Emma, I know I could be reading this now, I want to thank you. And many thanks to Dr. Itua Herbal Center. He gave me his calendar that I put on my wall in my house. Dr. Itua can also cure the following diseases, HIV, Herpes, Neuromuscular Diseases , Hepatitis B, Inflammatory Liver, Diabetes,Inflammatory bowel disease ,Fibromyalgia, recover your ex. You can contact him by email or drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com, ..www.drituaherbalcenter.com .. He is a good doctor, talk to him kindly. I'm sure he will also listen to you.

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