A note from Myself to Me

Dear me,

I know you are not being in your best mood lately. Things going haywire and depression is a word that you are living right now. I knew the other day when you were coming back home from work at night, you could easily merge into some unknown road and never return home ever, but you did come back because this is the place that you always belong. Life is not a bed of roses, this is for sure.

Indeed, there will be a lot of stones and hurdles along the way, and so its time for you to kick away those stones aside and jump over the hurdles when you travel this journey called life. I agree that the world outside is not that as innocent as you have thought, so it’s okay to be selfish at times but never lose your dignity along the way. Things changed, people changed and you have to accommodate yourself with the changes because this time the change is certainly for your own good.

And there’s always a reason why certain people enter your life just to walk away after a while. Every bit of their memories hurt but always remember to hold tight to those happier moments because life gives you the fair amount of joy and pain. Life balances up itself that way. But it’s good because for every wrong person that comes into your life, they certainly left a lesson or two to bring home the end of the day.It may look so over the edge now,but I assure you,when you look back one day,all these moments will bring you tons of smiles and remind you how far you had travelled so far.

Deep down,I believe the spark is always there. Its just that you have cocooned yourself in a bubble.Let yourself go,let go the fear that is eating you up. You can always be the person that you want to be.Its all in the mind,unlock your true potential as I always believe that you are indeed someone special. The greatest fear is your own self,and when you learn to overcome it,I bet the world that nothing can ever stop you again. Speak up for yourself because no one else will do it for you. Remember you make choices not choices make you.

And I have all the faith in you because when you gaze upon the sky,you know that all the angels are busy conspiring with nature to bring you nothing but pure happiness. You have to give TIME some time. Be patience,I heard them saying. We cant be sure of what will happen the next second because life is certainly short but I will never let my hands off you.I'll be there within your reach and I'm someone you can always count on. No one knows you better than me myself.Till then keep smiling because that is the best dress you can wear for your face.

Sleep tight honey. Rest all your problems under the bed. Wake up to a new morning tomorrow.Its time to stop running and pause for a while to smell the roses.

From

Myself

P.S: Sometimes you just have to have hear it from your own self  :)

Standing on top of a cliff

‘Depression is a big word,I wouldn’t prefer to use it to describe my state of mind’. Alex’s words echoes back to me.

I couldn't agree more with him few years back but now I want to borrow that word from the dictionary. Yes, depression, that feeling of standing on top of a cliff, not having the guts to fall and at the same time not wanting to make a U-turn. So I stand there, tormented by the heat, strangled by the cold with legs shaking and hands shivering. There’s a void inside me, it’s been there for quite some time. Sometimes I wish I could grab a stranger’s hand, drag her to a bench and tell her all the stories from the very beginning. But even when they are all ears, I couldn’t formulate a word. 

It’s strange, I have a good family (with some flaws of course) and good friends but then I don’t know what brings me to this cliff in the first place. I feel as though the freedom had been taken away from me, just like a bird, not trapped in a cage, but a bird with wounded feathers, wanted to make a fly but just couldn’t move its wings. It’s all started since the day I’ve graduated. Nothing seems to be exciting anymore. I just don’t know, I was searching for something beyond that I’ve lost track of time. When I look back it seems that I’ve wasted a lot of time chasing for something that’s never real.

There’s something bothering me in my head with questions and doubts that I couldn’t really decipher at this moment. I have to admit at times I just wanted to pack my things, sneak out of the house when everyone asleep and never ever returns back. Completely disappear from everyone and start everything all over again at a different place with different people where nobody knows me, but it ain’t that easy as it seems. I love these people too much that I can’t bear to leave them behind.   

I’m still there, on top of the cliff. It’s just a matter of time for me to gain enough energy to make a jump but I won’t because when the last time I was there, God send me someone that came and grab my hands, someone that assured me that I can still fly even with broken wings. Indeed God has always been benevolent towards me.

For now, I’m still waiting for a signal that could set me free from all this insanity that brings me to this place, waiting for that someone to come, grab my hands and teach me how to fly again.

And so I’ll wait because I have all the faith in the world....

Painting a dream

Let me paint you a dream,

Of a street boy receiving a scroll

Of a world with brothers and sisters

Of a border that I could pass with smiles

Of Jews and Muslims holding hands

Of humans that fear God

Of hugs that always returns

Of justice belongs to the poor

Of little bridesmaid and flowers

Of a dad holding his princess

Of a child that learns to fly

Of a boy becoming a man

Of a lady embracing her newborn

Of colours that blend in one

Of friendship beyond races

Of eyes that speaks love

Of hearts that dances in rain

Of a world without hunger

Colours & paint brushes all set

All I need is some sleep

For some dreams

Can only be seen

With closed eyes

In the dark

Tell me,do you dream?

Crazy,cute silly wishes

I have little little wishes

Caged in empty glass bottles

Hopping and knocking the walls

Racing towards each other

To glitter the sky like fireworks

Crazy,cute,silly wishes,I have

Closed buds shakes their heads,No No No

Day dreamers nodded Yes Yes Yes

For the skies to blanket me at nights

For the stars to decorate my four walls

For the moon to follow me everywhere

For the flowers to bloom with my name

For the butterflies to share their wings

For the lovers to speak their hearts

For the birds to sing me love songs

For the rainbow to spill their colors

For the crescent to swing me away

Amidst these silent wishes,

Angels slowly whispered

God had just said 'Yes'

To all my crazy cute silly wishes

P.S: Err...I wasn't really sure of posting this but I felt good after writing this piece..Really :D