An average life

Life..

At times life appears like an endless blissful journey.

At times I wake up with a thud in my chest and unshakable nightmare.

I thought I have resigned to defining life since years ago. One step at a time lessen the burden of a troubled heart but still little facts about the world I live continues to haunt me every now and then. What is love and to what extend can you let someone to hold your heart? The question about who are our ancestors and what got into their mind when they drew the blueprint of caste  and social class? Why one man is above another? In what sense we raise up the status of a human being?

Maybe I am a hypocrite person to start with? Why we always wait for the fire to burn our fingers first before turning off the flames.Human nature? I speak up because it concerns me. What about those people who are silenced with law and fear? Who will speak up for them?

Perhaps life is a chain. It goes on in a loop. We tolerate with our fate, We confine ourselves to a hut of ignorance. In this way we might find a temporary contentment but peace will be hard to come by. Someday when you are all alone with your darkest thought, the truth will come knocking off all your conscience and I hope you have not left a single tile for regrets.

Here we are,
Arm in arms,
Heart to hearts,
Waiting in a haunted stop,
For the sky to fall,
When the world ends to a knot,
We will rise into one.

Day Dreams

I'm a day dreamer.Sometimes I would close my eyes,rest my hands below my neck while lying on bed and dream of a better world. I would dream of a spacious house which faces the sea and the natural breeze that follows. I would dream of a small garden where I can grow flowers that never wilt.I would dream of a loving family with smart kids running around playfully. I would dream of a serene place behind the hills of Scotland for me to read and write as much as I want. I would dream of a job in the biggest city in the world that pays me well and make me grow as a person.

I would dream of a never ending sunset and snow flakes hitting on my window pane in June. I would dream of flowers in Wisteria flower tunnel blooming to its fullest regardless on which part of the year I visit them. I would dream of an immortal life and guardian angels to safeguard my love ones.

Too bad, once I open my eyes all the dreams on the sky fall to the ground, shattered into pieces before my arms reach them.

But somehow I couldn't find ways to stop dreaming.

Night shift

Its 2.43 am and I'm in the office. Technical support job has it perks. This is the first time I'm doing night shift and it's kinda cool. I have watched a number of movies since yesterday.Most likely I'm the only girl in this entire building now. There isn't much call at nights. Several hours ago, an old lady called and ask my help to set up some software for her new computer. She told me it was 1 am in her country. We had some friendly chat while I'm getting my job done by remote accessing to her machine.I solved all her queries to which she wrote some compliment feedback on the website. The lady mentioned that she couldn't sleep so she just wanted to set up her new computer so that she can start transferring her files from her old one. Although sometimes I hate my job but this kind of calls  really motivates me to help out people. Some callers are really sweet especially when they write appraisal emails  about you to your manager.  

On another note my sister is pregnant and she's not that happy, given the fact that her oldest kid is 17 years old. I don't understand what the big deal anyway but she said she's not quite comfortable to be pregnant when she has teenagers at home.So I told her if she doesn't want the baby, I could take care of it.She's alright about giving the baby to me after it's born but anyhow she has to bear the childbirth again. She's a bit traumatic when it comes to the whole child bearing process as she thought she's done with it when her youngest kid was born. Seems like there's a lot of things to look forward to. RJ said its not joke nor easy to take care of kids. There's a lot of responsibilities when it comes to raise a child. 

And I think I agree with him.

Deleted

How is it feels to be forgotten? When someone decides to tear your page off from their book called memory? When all you can do is watching them in horror as they crumble your page and threw it over the roof. You stood there,motionless,wondering what went wrong that makes it painful for them to even remember you . It seemed that deleting you from their life is the best thing that they could do for themselves.I guess it hurts especially when we're left without a reason. Aren't we all deserve an explanation? On the contrary,what if someone forgets you unintentionally? Like Anita suddenly becomes the vague image of a girl who wore big glasses during high school. That's it! You no longer have a name,all you have now is a girl with big glasses. Eventually one day,without doubt Anita will soon be forgotten,no more big glasses,she will just be the invisible girl behind the class that nobody knows.I don't know which one hurts more,forgotten by someone intentionally or unintentionally.Maybe it's all depends on the person who forgets you but I know a thing for sure that I died a little when someone forgets me,I die again and again when someone kills me in their memory. Here I am with a warm coffee on the table and hands on my chin wondering how many people had killed me in their memories and how many people that I had killed so far?All I'm asking is forget me not. Will you do that for me?

Fool,I am

The heart is a fool thing,it absorbs all the sweet words,and it wants more and more. The heart is a fool in a way that it kept on ignoring the signal's from brain when the brain was trying to tell you something all this while.It shuts off the reality.Who wants to face the reality when the dream is so tempting?Life has its own way in forcing you to face the reality even if you doesn't want to.It seems that reality isn't that friendly. My mother always warns me on trusting someone too much is not good.Well,my young age was too egoistic to follow the rules.It wants adventures,it wants fun..and now how is it feels to fell off from the highest peak? Right!It hurts and it crashes all the bones.Now it will take time to heal..but once its healed it becomes stronger. 


Its dangerous when you started to allow the heart to be in control,to make judgement for you in behalf of your mind.I guess its the time to let the mind to overrule your heart.For once let the mind rules,maybe it's the only way out! and now trust will be harder ..


P.S: I made a mistake..a big one..and its irreversible and I just realize that a moment ago..oh my

A smile that last forever...

I still remember the first day I saw her,her smile caught me first and then followed by her friendly gestures and her long glowing  hair. She was beautiful.I was 13 years old that time and she was my friend's sister.She came along with her mother to pick up my friend from school and by the way she smiled at me,i knew instantly she's a very warm person.Indeed that was the first and the last time I saw her in real, yes I just received the news that she had passed away recently together with her unborn child. Well.i have completely lost touch with my friend, not even in Facebook. I got to know this news from a friend and i felt that the news of her death somehow affected me in way, in a way that it brings some moments back into my life!


I knew the pain of losing someone unexpectedly where God doesn't even give a clue that the person will not be with us anymore. Coming this October, it had been two years that God took him from our life. Yes he was my cousin bro,whom I was closer to  more than my real brothers. Due to some misunderstanding we were not in talking terms for a while. I was rude to him,yes sometimes I just take things personally,the bad side of me.But i have no idea that this is how it will end,it ends without a closure,without a proper Goodbye he got involved in an accident and he passed away on the spot.I thought of calling him once I got dean-listed,too bad I was dean-listed when he's no more to hear the good news.


It rained heavily the day he passed away and it still rains today .....
I was really angry with God that moment,why God has to take away him from us,he was the darling of the family everyone adores him and he was taken care like an angel by all of us. and I am very sure that my friend's sister was an angel to her family as well. Why does all the good people had to leave so early? Why does God have to take someone who is close to us just to keep them closer to him? It's a bit unfair but I do know everything happens for a reason, a reason that we'll only realize when they are gone!There is no word that could heal the wound,or maybe time have a better way to do that...


Lesson learned the hard way,appreaciate everyone and hate no one.life is too short to live in regrets and some people doesn't have a whole life to live,they might have to leave soon,it could be tomorrow or even the next second.


Hence,cherish each and everyone in your life,forgive quickly and love dearly:) Death takes away life but not memories,it stays on reminding us that these people are not that faraway from us, they are just here,watching every movement of yours,silently whispering...Don't worry,I'm closer to God..I'll take care of everything :)


To him and her,thank you for touching my life,your smiles will be alive in my memory!!


P.S: I wish I could turn back the clock and make things right,but sometimes life couldn't afford to give you another chance :)

When it comes to guys,they have a lot to say!!! =.='''

With all due respect to the gentlemen out there,don't get offended by any chance.. this post is just for fun!!! :P:P

• Never trust a guy, that says ‘Trust Me’-read somewhere :D:D:D

• When it comes to men that are romantically interested in you, it's really simple: just don't listen to anything they have to say; pay attention to what they do"- from The Last Lecture
  
  

• He’s will never  take good care of you-MOM said to me after she heard me talking about that cute guy with six packs !!! =.=’’’

• You can trust a guy who sing along and fooling around but not a quiet guy who act innocently-Cousin sis ;)

• Don’t ever marry the first guy you dated-Read somewhere  =(

• A player never settles down till he gets married, in rare cases he still plays!!!-BFF

• Don’t ever propose to a guy first, he’ll keep on reminding you that moment-A friend +_+''

• Short guys,hmmm..they’re dangerous-That Cousin Sis again   8|

• A boy is a magical creature, you can lock him out of workshop but you can't lock him  out of your hearts-Allan Beck *_* 

• You can always change the software,but not the hardware!!!–Cousin bro :D

• What???he is the only child..Drop the idea or else, you will be trapped forever!!-Big sis :0

• A vegetable seller will take better care of you than those educated fools -Grandma  0.o’’

Maybe these are the reasons why I'm still single :P:P or perhaps i just have to avoid dealing or reading those people above or maybe.. i just haven't found the  right one to prove all of them wrong #_#

  ......  or maybe I just wanna be single!! being single is soooo much fun !!! YAY :)

LOVE: It happens to all of us :)

In life we meet some people either by chance or accident.They enter our life in the most unexpected moment and in the most unexpected WAY. Initially, they might seem to be just an ordinary person that walks in your life, but only when they leave... you know exactly they have taken a piece of you with them and as a return they gave you some unforgettable moments to be cherished.


For the past seven weeks,I have got to know a lot of extraordinary people in my life and among the crowd of strangers I met someone who makes my heart skips a beat.He revealed a part of me that I thought it never exist before.Maybe he wasn't meant for me,and I have no idea what God has in store for me but there's one thing for certain that I can never forget the way he makes me feel and I can never forget how  restless i became when he walks away from that hall....


You'll be missed....
I might not be there with you but I promise that my prayers will be accompanying you always..

CONFESSION Of A Little Angel

Dear mother,

Ma, I don’t know whether I have the rights to call you that or not, At least I would be able to call you ma here. It never crosses my mind that I will never be able to call you ma. My first cry seems to be a burden for you because I saw you crying helplessly when you first held me in your arms. My tiny body somehow felt heavy for your eyes.

Seeing you cried, I cried too. But then the emotions changed. Behind your hatred and cries I saw a weak smile curled at the corner of your lips. Maybe you loved me too and maybe I have a chance to live. But to my dismay, the moment was short lived.

 You wrapped me in a blanket as if I have to be hidden quickly before anyone saw me. In your eyes, I was the yield of the sin that you had committed. You claimed that you saw your past flashing through my eyes and that’s the reason why I shouldn’t be with you.

 Maybe, I shouldn’t been born after all and I never asked to be born too. Amidst the pain, I saw you rushing as if time had given you a deadline. You cuddled me and instantly I felt warm and cosy when you held me in your arms. I felt true love for the first time in my life ,yes mother, you the first person I had fallen in love with.

You took me to some place, and it might just take some moments but strangely I feel as though I was taken on the longest ride in my life. Yes it was indeed the longest day in my life which happened to be on the day I was born!  We arrived as you planned, and you placed me somewhere and you just walked away, without even a goodbye. Maybe it was easy for you to walk away, but it wasn’t easy for me to let you go. I was afraid and the only thing I knew was to cry. I waited for your return and I knew that I can’t wait any longer.

You didn’t come back indeed nobody came that day. The clouds were changing its colour and the sky started to weep as well. The sound of the rain overcame my voice. My tears were sinking behind the heavy downpour. I cried ..cried ..cried and then I smiled..

The longest day in my life had just ended.

If I knew that this would be the ending, I will never have had hoped for a beginning

I was lost and abandoned, but now safe and sound in God’s arm.

Ma,if you still thinking about me,I just wanted to tell you  that I had forgiven you long ago…and thank you for giving me the very first taste of love!!..You had thrown me away from your life but remember I AM a part of you, the part of  you, that you can’t just eliminate  away from your life!!

                                      

Sincerely

Your little angel

P.S Every child has the inherent right to life itself. It’s overwhelming to see little angels thrown away just like that. Sometimes I think animals are more compassionate that human.

This post is dedicated to all the little angels out there,

You deserve Heaven more than here.

NoTe: This is my first attempt at writing a fiction.Although it is just a fiction, somehow the message is true and honest. Constructive feedback is very much needed and will be appreciated.Thank you in advance =)

Celebrate 'YOU'

I was taking a ride on the local bus the other day,as usual the bus was crowded with workers and a bunch of school-uniformed teenagers. As expected, the bus was so chaotic and noisy, but somehow I still managed to grab a seat and silently spend some moments with my book. Surprisingly, my eyes wasn't on the pages, but on more to the conversation that's going on between the teenagers. Okay fine!! I was actually eavesdropping them :/


I managed to get some glimpse of what they are talking,Okay here it goes, there were three students (two girls and one guy),I have seen them before,in the same bus but it was weeks ago,and I still remember them because they were making so much noise the other day too.


The guy made a jokingly remark about one of the girl's body weight,and surprisingly the girl fought back with a bet. She challenged the guy that if she doesn't reduce her weight in one month, she would've had her name changed to something else. She added that after she had reduced her weight and straightened  her hair,there'll be lots of guys queuing behind her..
I was like....

I don't know why I felt that way,maybe because I was expecting a different answer. For God's sake,there's nothing wrong with her appearance though, she has a normal body weight, i mean she looks perfectly healthy and she has a very beautiful curly which i find no reason to straightened  it and what make me angry when she's doing all this just to attract guys...LAME.!!!!

I can't blame her though, we were brought up that way. The definition of beauty is over-rated,like we already fix on our mind that beautiful people are someone who's tall,slim,fair and so on. Beauty has no definition. Everything created by God is beauty itself and you are beauty too because God hand-created you.

It's essential for us to concentrate more on the inner part rather than spending bucks on repairing the outlook appearance. 

For me, real beauty can be seen through eyes, felt by heart and touched by words

You are beautiful and so do I :) So celebrate your uniqueness and celebrate yourself!!!!

P.S :For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it.

P.P.s: I have to acknowledge  Viya and hamza for the awards,will do it soon :):) 

She's my mother

Oh my God..I love my mother.she's a perfect lady..The reason behind all this loving words about my mother is because......


Okay,currently I am in my room, checking out some new blogs and busy commenting to their respective posts.and i heard some interesting discussion coming from the living room..At the moment, they are bunch of aunties in my house and they were discussing about my brother's wedding..So the much awaited (multi billion dollar question ) finally popped out.!!!!hmmm..so wat's you gonna ask as dowry????

The world is moving very fast, people are changing their mindsets and nowadays lots of girls are getting a decent education and they are becoming independant too-less depending on guys and having full freedom of deciding their own life!!! but still... people are still asking this kind of questions..especially women (to my dismay)!!!!

but I love the way my mother answered them..she answered ''i have two boys with me but never in my life i will ask for dowry''..Hmmm..im sooo proud of her,oh yes she's someone who's still holding tight to her old beliefs but when it comes to women's right..my mother is a modern thinker..And i love her more because of that..

p.s:love you mom :) and I think my future sister in law is a very lucky girl....

p.p.s: Cant wait for the wedding :):):)

S.E.C.R.E.T

We all have secrets, something that we doesn’t want anyone to know, something that’s personal, which remain to be ours forever. The heart is like a diary that holds thousand of secrets and sometimes it could just be like a dustbin where we keep on stuffing with more trash day by day. At some point it overflows and that’s when all the secrets flow out as well.

Sometimes I ask myself. Why do I keep things to myself? Why shouldn’t it be told to someone else? Why do I keep trivial matters as secrets? But whenever I start to look for answers, I will end up with more questions instead. Maybe it’s because I’m just a secretive person. I need my personal space. They don’t have to know all the things about my self.

Are you willing to share someone that you love with another person? Certainly a no, and I’m in love with my secrets and I am not sharing it anyone!

P.S: well, I hope I'm not crapping here!!!!  :P

When Love Speaks :)

image source

Is that true?

That I’m in love

My heart blooms

With you in every words

Don’t you know?

That I’m in love too

You are the only flower

That caught my heart!

Is that true?

You’ve filled up the space

That was vacant for years

The heart is finally hired

And now it beats only for you

Don’t you know?

That my heart aches now

Coz it’s beating for two

Since our eyes locked

The heart serves only for you!

Is that true?

That I’ve known you for years

When it was only yesterday

Maybe it was you

The one in my dreams day and night

          Don’t you know?

That this bond is for ages

Now that I’ve found you

I’m holding you tight

And I’m not letting you slip again!

Is that true?

I’m a dancing butterfly

Flying without wings

Sprinkling the love potion

While swirling in the sky                      

Don’t you know?

That I’m your wings

We will cross the seven skies

 And I give my words, even in dark

Our shadows will be walking together!

it's today all I have

Just for today,

I’ll wear the crown and be my own princess.

Just for today,

I’ll embrace loneliness and speak to God.

Just for today,

I’ll call a friend and tell her how much I miss her.

Just for today,

I’ll wash the dishes just to see my mom smiling in silent.

Just for today,

I'll speak gently and hurt no-one.

Just for today,

I’ll not choose between two and create my own path instead.

Just for today,

I’ll assume that somehow and somewhere you were thinking about me too.

Just for today,

I’ll live coz today is all I have.

What's the big deal?

Image source

What's there in  skin color? Does it matter what color someone has? Does it show the characteristic of someone? Okay,what are colors? Colors exist in different type.Red,yellow,blue..just to name a few. So skin colors are just like those colors.We can accept different colors in life but then why we tend to discriminate people who have dark complexion?If you can accept red for your curtain  and green for handbags,why can't you accept someone with dark complexions? They just have different type of color than us! So what's the big deal?


Recently I have came across someone who make a very immature remark on skin color.According to that person,educated girls don't have fair complexion and fair looking girls are not educated meanwhile the other side are expecting a girl that comes in a package! But what's even more appalling is that most of the 'educated' guys (by the way,they're few exceptions) making way for their parents to make this kind of  mistakes!!!So there's no difference between these people and those early American who discriminate the Africans.


Even babies are not spared from this issue. As soon as a child is born,the first question that would be asked is whether the baby is fair or not,not even what gender the child belongs too!!!One of my aunt actually applied Fair & Lovely cream to her newborn because her baby has dark complexion.=.=''''


And the cosmetic manufacturers are not helping at all.They often display advertisement that shows the  fairer looking girls are more appealing and will receive more marriage proposals than the dark skin girls.


So,this is what we gonna teach our children?




I guess its the time for us to act like humans,real humans..

Something beautiful.:)

Dedicated to that special someone and not forgetting my lovely blog friends too.....Alcina and Beyond Horizon.

Today, I need you to……………..

Read my silence,

When the words are gone

Hold my hands

When I’m all alone

Teach my heart to dance

Without a tune

Bring me to the light

When I’m all wrapped up in the dark

Wipe my tears

As I wiped yours

And today, I thanked you ….

Image source

You showed me the sunshine

When I’m lost in the rain

You gave me words

When I couldn’t be heard

You made my day

When you kept me in your prayers

You touched my heart

When the going gets hard

A stranger, you might be

But somehow this bond last for eternity

P.S : Thank you for being here....

Regards

ME

Let's talk about Aging...

Ever wonder how would it be to be old and grumpy? When grey hairs popping out from your scalp, more than the strands of hair that you dyed last week and when the wrinkles start to flow like a stream all over your face that never seems to disappear regardless of the layers of foundation that you applied.  The kids are afraid to pick up those baseballs that had flown in through your windows as they strongly believe that you are being possessed by some kind of monster. Not forgetting the loneliness that you felt everyday which is much more painful than the bee-sting pain that you felt around your spine.

So, this is how you want to grow old or the other way around?

Every morning starts anew, and you grow younger at heart as the days got older. The number of grey hairs resembles the wisdom and knowledge that you have gain all this while and by hiding it with black paints would be such a shame for your integrity. The wrinkles that coated your skins shows the amount of love that you have gain and received all though your life. On every weekend, the house will be crowded with the children’s of your sons and daughters who encircles you with so much eagerness to listen to the story of the day. Finally when the time comes for your departure, the love of your life holds you gently and whispers to your ear ‘Dear, its okay. You can let go now. and with those words you held you last breath in serenity.

Surely, I would like to be the lady in the second part. I would like to be surrounded with my loved ones on my deathbed, not some caregiver/nurse who doesn’t even know my first name and constantly address me as Ms/Madam. Aging is something beautiful and I doesn’t it want to be filled up with thought such as ‘what if’ and ‘I wish’. I want my life to be meaningful. I don’t want to go back. I want to go forward and see more and do more.

I want to grow old and be young.All da best to me ;) 

Note:

The writer is currently jobless and stays home without doing anything apart from annoying and teasing the kids about studying and exams. Besides that, even the thoughts of searching for a job scares her because it is so being adult-ish, while she just wants to be like Peter Pan who doesn’t need to grow up at all. J

RandomNESS

Officially, I have just ended my three years of degree life few hours ago. That means no more exams, lectures, viva and etc Therefore I am now completely detached from studies…but I have just added myself to the category of unemployed graduates.(L)

It was truly an uphill battle. I still remember the first day of my arrival here. Everything was new and there were lots of dreams too. I thought everything will be so cool, first time being away from family and I started to built lots and lots of dreams. Unfortunately,everything’s changed. I realised that not all dreams will come true, not all words will be heard and it’s ‘amazing’ how people change their masks everyday. Yes I will be missing this place but a part of me just can’t wait to get out from here.

Some random facts about university life:

1. Some lecturers are not as brilliant as you think they are 0.0
2. On the contrary, some lecturers are not as stupid as you think they are.0.o''
3. Yes, the hostel is haunted. :s
4. Mom’s dhal and fried egg tastes much more better than the café’s fried chicken
5. Don’t ever complaints mom’s cook. Remember, karma will play it’s part
6. It’s a disaster when the cleaners held a strike,
7. There are two types of people; one that spent hours and hours in shower and another who don’t shower at all.
8. I get some friends for life, and as complementary a bunch of enemies as well.
9. The best place to hide from your room mate is the library.(She’ll have no clue at all)
10.  It’s weird when your room mate watches everything that you do.
11. The earliest that you can sleep is at 2.am
12. I realised that human could still survive without sleep for 24 hrs.
13. Research  S**** ( Now, I know why Einstein has weird hairstyle)
14. You can walk faster that the campus bus….
15. .............................

I think I should stop here before the lists get longer!!!!!

  

One of the things that I cherished the most is the freedom that I get from my university life. Seriously, you can’t get it anywhere else. Here, no one will stop you from anything and you are on your own. But freedoms do come with a price, I started to neglect my studies and it was quite hard to make a comeback but I have managed it somehow. But one thing for sure, I have started to appreciate every little things and only today that matters the most, neither the past nor the future.

P.S: Have a good day everyone J

A perfect beginning

Finally,

The darkness has set me free,

Lights are coming in

With a promise,

They will stay longer this time!

The storm has passed

The weeds are pulled off

As soon as the seeds are planted

The flowers start blooming

Amazingly!

Raindrops felt on my cheek

As a sign of blessing

From someone up there

And together with the rain

The tears are washed away

As I walk towards the unknown

I am no longer alone

There’s another hand

That’s perfectly fits mine

And the best moment is yet to come!

P.S: I realised that the rainbow can only be seen after a heavy downpour….

She's too,a woman

There she stood

Under the moonless sky

Accompanied by sorrows

Darkness envelops the night

As well as her soul

Cuddled in a red dress

Barely covering her neck

Strangely

Bright colours of the cloth

Could not brighten her heart

She’s a nameless woman

With thousand names

Whore

Home wrecker

A Sinner

Just to name a few

There she stood again

The sky watch by

And the street laughed 

Merciless

As she waits

For a stranger

To fill up her stomach

And To ease the cry of a child

She gave up her crown…

To a stranger

That comes by

One night

And every nights