Fool,I am

The heart is a fool thing,it absorbs all the sweet words,and it wants more and more. The heart is a fool in a way that it kept on ignoring the signal's from brain when the brain was trying to tell you something all this while.It shuts off the reality.Who wants to face the reality when the dream is so tempting?Life has its own way in forcing you to face the reality even if you doesn't want to.It seems that reality isn't that friendly. My mother always warns me on trusting someone too much is not good.Well,my young age was too egoistic to follow the rules.It wants adventures,it wants fun..and now how is it feels to fell off from the highest peak? Right!It hurts and it crashes all the bones.Now it will take time to heal..but once its healed it becomes stronger. 


Its dangerous when you started to allow the heart to be in control,to make judgement for you in behalf of your mind.I guess its the time to let the mind to overrule your heart.For once let the mind rules,maybe it's the only way out! and now trust will be harder ..


P.S: I made a mistake..a big one..and its irreversible and I just realize that a moment ago..oh my

It's here again...........

Love. It had come again but this time it’s not just ringing the doorbell. Its taking a whole new approach it’s banging on my door pathetically, begging me to open the door just this time. As a matter of precaution, I have double locked the door, closed the windows, make sure its air tight and the curtains were down too. I could feel a sense of accomplishment and assurance after I made the house looked almost abandoned and with lights off it should provide a clear signal that the occupant doesn’t want to be disturbed at all. I had even asked the newspaper boy to stop dropping by because his presence might provoke suspicions about my existence.

I’m not letting it to drop by again. I could never forget the way it messed up my home last time, it robbed everything that I had and leaves me dumb and quiet for several days. It caused a twist to my personality and I’m not comfortable with changes. The banging is getting stronger and I’m just going to ignore the calls as I wear my earphones and indulge myself in music. With the blankets on, I assured myself that I’m going to have a good night sleep today.

But to be honest a tiny portion of my heart just wanted to open the door again and let the air filled with love to blew me away from here…

where I just wanted to be that dumb and quiet girl again..

who was helplessly lost in the world of love..

I wish it’s gone and at the same time I wish it stays a little longer this time..maybe I will open the door again or maybe not…

When the future scares you,

Come back to me, to your past

where I’ll be waiting for you

with my both arms open…
you know very well,that you have a place to return :)

P.S: the knocking is still there …getting louder each night!!..shall I open it or just get back to the music..?

First Love

Sometimes I just could not control my feeling.I get jealous easily over the fortune of others.Why am I behaving in this way?It's not that I'm lacking in anything. Overall,I can raise my own collar by proclaiming myself as an A graded student,studying in of the prestigious university in my country.

On top of the list,I have the best mom in the world..who is willing to sacrifice anything for me but yet it seems that I don't have the contentment of living.

There are some things that I could not control in my life.

At the age of 18,I fall in love with a guy...and it changed my life forever.

I fall in love very fast and it just lasted for less that 10 months..
But I can certainly assure myself  that those moments will never come back.I can never feel the same love in my life.
What more you can say about your first love???

It started as as the typical story..Boy meets girl,I was 18,excited about being in a co-ed school after spending 11 years in all girls school.
It was totally a new world and this guy stood out from the rest.
What makes him so?? You may ask!!
But till now,I myself seems to not know the answer.
Certainly the 10 month puppy love story ended in a very disappointing way.

We decided to go our separate ways...but it changed the way I view the world
I'm no longer the sweet,demure and quite girl that I used to be three years ago
My whole personality changed,I became more independent ,confident and bold.

I can easily shout at anyone who get into my nerves.
I'm no longer someone who thinks about what other people thing when you wore a shirt that is not ironed
and I started to hate guys even more especially when I kept on falling for the wrong guy and even worse when a guy that i liked started to fall for my bestie.( Believe me,that could be the worst feeling that you could ever had)

Sometime I wish I could return back,and make up for all the mistakes..

But this is life,You screwed up.You learn from the mistake. Repeat
The cycle goes on!!

P.S: Sometimes, I think about you..the first person whom broke my heart.
I hope you had found your other half..but just wanna tell you,that I havent...(so far.:P)
I glad that I found you,because of you I tasted love...