I can't even think of a title!!!I'm that lost here

I think the ability to write and express yourself in words is a gift that only some have. I had the privilege once but now I cant write anymore.Its been a while and even writing a lengthy email to a dear friend take ages to be composed. I don't know,should I blame it on the hectic life that I'm having right now or should I blame it on the crashed computer that I just managed to fix it now after errr...months.

Well well,I'm back and I don't know how many people still remembers me here. Nevertheless you people always have a special couch on my heart.

Although its just been slightly more than one month I've posted anything over here but it feels like years..Hmmm..I guess I'm just over exaggerating my thoughts..Okay people its good to be home and I hope I were missed while I'm gone.

And yeah to all of my love readers...A Happy Eidul-Fitr..Have  a good one with your loved ones...

I hope I could post something more interesting that crapping about my disappearance on the next post..

Till then over and out...

The adapting process

There's a strange agony in moving on,especially to a new place.Strangers scattered all over the new neighbourhood and weird glance just makes your palm wet with some sweat. But this isn't fear, just a little bit of nervousness because you have already gone through the fear of crossing the line of your old life.Pretty much this isn’t harder than that. So with hope safeguarding your back, you dismantle your old belongings trying to make the house look more alive with things.

But then it wasn’t easy either when the old life was more comfortable than this one. You don’t have to make new friends, newspapers will arrive directly to your doorstep and sundry shop guy just know exactly when the sugar and spices on your shelves will dry out precisely. No worries about finding the best place for the weekly laundry. You are so accustomed to the old bed that you used to lay unconsciously after a lousy day at work. You find it so easy to be staring on the ceilings and blaming the world for your failure that for now you just want to run back to your place and cuddled in that blanket with the lights off.

That old life seems to be the perfect excuse to not wanting to move on, but isn’t it a kind of betrayal to all self pledge that you had done while moving your belongings into that truck the other day. And so you slowly walked towards the kitchen makes yourself a cup of coffee and rest your shoulder to the window pane. For now this life seems to be lonely, there wasn’t anything to look forward to when it’s just the sound of your own humming to a forgotten tune breaking the silence of your own thoughts.  

Along with the smell of the freshly painted walls and kids roaring with so much of excitement after scoring their goals, you just know that this life promises something. Something that you have no idea yet, something that will bring back everything that you have lost because for now life had taken you to the right place, exactly the place that you have to be right now.  There wasn’t any regret of the leaving, there’s just a lot of excitement around me, wondering of how to make friends with the strangers along the neighbourhood.

But with the knock on the door, I guess I don’t have to try hard on making friends here..there just seems to be lots of friendly people around here ..

Time to move out and move on.

My dear readers, let’s do something today. Help me to pack up. It’s time to shift old memories and compact it into a box. Seal it with tapes, make it airtight. They shouldn’t be let out nor should anything else be let it. Grab the photo frames on the dressing table. It’s been haunting me for days. Bring it on all the letters and cards under the bed. They don’t have a place there anymore. Clear all the clothes in the wardrobe, each of them telling me stories about yesterdays. I’m all over it and after all they don’t fit me anymore.

Shut the windows and draw the blinds. Pull over the luggage and clear the pile of dusts on top. I need the luggage to pack up some lovely memories. This house had seen many good things too, can’t bear to leave them behind in a place with no occupants. Lovely memories need me as much as I need them. It’s not fair to push away our good fellows to the back line especially when all the punishment belongs to the wrong guy.

Don’t forget the china set which given by a lovely friend. Reminds me of that special birthday that I had years ago. That old bed sheet smells of something sad. Leave it at the same place, they shouldn’t been drag along to the new bed. Oh my! I really need to be careful when moving out those fragile stuff, they should be handled with care. As for now, I only have them with me.

The contract had been drafted. Lawyers had been hired. All I need is to pen down a signature and the house doesn’t belong to me anymore. Now comes, the last ritual, the most awaited moment. I closed the door and lock it for the last time. With a luggage on my hands and boxes on the track, I bid the final adieu to my old life. Here I am now standing on my doorstep, blowing goodbye kisses to the old keys and threw it away behind those hills. Who needs the old key when the new home is waiting to embrace me with a hug?

Goodbye my old life, you’ll be forgotten but will never be missed. In either ways, you are at loss, not me. I have a new life peeking me from the other sides, convincing me to dream and begging me to move on. I felt wind brushing through my hair. It’s time to leave my past behind, it’s too burdensome to carry it on to the future. Isn’t it better to be safe than sorry?  The past had taught me that some mistakes are too costly to be repeated. Memories is what makes us who we are but when it starts to haunt you, then it is best to be forgotten.

After all, we have only one life, why not live it to the fullest?

Because parting is such a sweet sorrow...........

Don’t you say Hello again, because I don’t have the strength to say Goodbye anymore. I’ll learn to embrace the cold that you threw towards me and let it to melt away the warmness in my heart instead. I’ll learn to accept the fact that your words doesn’t speak about me anymore. From now onwards, I will learn to cross the road without you holding my hand tightly, stopping me whenever I impatiently trying to get to the other side of the road.

When our favourite songs played in the radio, I’ll try to ignore the memories that came toiling behind those lyrics. When it comes to taking a bite of my favourite cheese burger, I’ll remember that you won’t be there to gently wipe away the mustard on the corner of my lips what’s more to keep me accompany for lunch. And so I’ll learn how to eat properly and alone next time. Somewhere along the way, if a stranger smiles, I’ll try to fast forward your never ending smile that could make me to leave the whole world behind just for that.

When the sunshine greets me, I’ll remember not to hope for a warm morning hug from behind my back. I'll even forget the morning coffees on the porch,the chocolate sundae in the drizzling rain.When the evening falls, I’ll make sure the windows and doors locked because it’s just me and the four walls tonight. I’ll try not to run towards the door anxiously whenever the door bell rang because it seemed that you have lost the track to my home.I’ll try to hide my disappointment whenever I mistaken a stranger for you at a departmental store because he look so much like you or maybe because I’ve just known only you all my life.

And yes now we have come to a crossroad that leads to different paths. I’m taking this side, and you’re taking that one. Don’t choose the same path as mine anymore. No,this time I don’t want to travel with someone who used to let my hands off in the middle of a journey.

It’s going to be a new journey, its going to be a lonely ride without you but somehow I can sense some freedom, a new breath and a new life, a new beginning that follows after a hopeless ending.

Here I am,destiny had brought me to the final page of the book and to my own dismay this book doesn’t deserve a second read.I'll bring it back to the shelves,let the pile of dust hide it away from my sight forever.


This time, I just couldn’t agree more with Shakespeare as ‘Parting is such a sweet sorrow’.

For someone who stole my heart, I’ve given a farewell as your gift……….