Few days ago,I had one on one with my boss.Usually before he started to discuss about my performance he would initiate some casual talk. Out of norm,He asked "who am I close with in our team"? There was a moment of hesitation in my voice before I mentioned M as someone I'm close with. And then he asked me " Are you very close with her? I said no,not really.
Oh you guys went to scuba diving together but not very close? he asked.
First of all,we went to snorkeling and not scuba diving. Secondly, M kinda forced me into it as she desperately needed people to fill in for the trip so that we can a get fair deal. While during the trip, only I know how suffocating it felt when I'm forced to go with a group that I barely knows.I felt alienated and the only thing that consoled me was the breath taking view of the island.
Well, the point here is I find it really hard to get close to someone apart from RJ. I'm always quiet at office because I hate 90 % of them. My boss somehow finds the solitude bubble that I'm inhabiting makes it impossible to know what's going on in my mind. He wants me to go around and share the secret of my good and steady performance to my coworkers. He wants me to take charge and exhibit leadership so that I can move up to the next level. I nodded to his remarks and left the room after wishing him a good day.
After the very short meeting, I realized that I'm not really close with anybody.Not even my parents. Apart from RJ and my blog friends, I don't really have any circle of friends to go shopping,lunch or whatever. I have lost touch with most of my class mates and I do my best to decline any social events I don't know whats wrong with me but I guess I'm happier this way.Starting a friendship and dealing with consequences of back stabbings weaken me.Most of my friends and cousins only come to me when they have problems and no other friends to go with. I am tired of being used.
I guess I'm fine on my own. For now
I guess I'm fine on my own. For now
You're not a very social person and there is nothing wrong with that :) but sometimes closing your doors at everyone and depending on one person can be quite destructive.
ReplyDeletei agree with the comment above
ReplyDeleteSocial life is something that you choose and non should force that. It's good to have a few people who stand by you no matter what rather than having a hoard of people who will scatter the moment you are in trouble. So as long as you are cool this way, there's nothing wrong.
ReplyDeleteBabe....lesser the proximity with people..lesser the pain and expectations. SHOP alone...thats therapy. You got us and RJ :P
ReplyDeleteNever ventured, never gained. Someday, you should, in your mind, feel a bit adventurous. Once in a while you should catch a seat on the roller coaster life. Once in a while, you should willingly live differently. My prayers for good beginnings ;)
ReplyDelete