Saturday, August 29, 2015

My Own God

When I was a kid,they fed me with the thoughts that our ultimate goal in life is to enter heaven, we have to fear God all the time and bring others to God’s path. It took me a while really, to wash away those thoughts because they somehow found a way to etch deeply on my mind for a long time.

For me Religion is not about accumulating points to enter heaven, it’s about making this world a better place to live, for all. I don’t believe in the hereafter, I don’t find a purpose to have all the grand things in heaven after I die. If I said this aloud, I would be condemned in all ways. My family members literally hate the way I think. Some thought Education has made me this way, or love had changed me. It irked me when my father told me not to read certain books. The ugly truth IS the concept they preach! It loathes me, and had made me succumb to this decision, to abandon Religion altogether.

I created my own God, the one who shares the same vision as mine, the one who loves me for who I am. They said my life is meaningless without Religion and God. They still didn’t get that I am happier this way.  For them it’s fine if I am miserable in the shackles of Religion as long as I don’t abandon it.

I stop praying, I am still wearing my headscarf because it has been a part of me for a long time, the part of me that I find it difficult to shed away. I started wearing hijab when I was 11 years old, because of the peer pressure that surrounds me and all I want to do that time was to win over the hearts of people around me. Now I find myself trapped in this identity that I don’t believe anymore. More importantly, I choose to keep it on my head all the time to make my mother happy. I fast in the Ramadan to make my mother feel good. Nothing more, nothing less.

I just hope someday I will find my own home, create my own my family and make this world a better place for my children. 


  1. You know what, I have been like this ever since I can remember. Finding my way about religion, God.. I started seeking answers since what people around me told couldn't convince me.

    It's best to seek and find for oneself and the fact that you are doing it in spite of many circumstantial hurdles shows your strength. Stay blessed.

    P.S: I have tagged you in a quote challenge, do take it up if you are interested:

  2. Religion is what you need it to be.

    I hope you are okay?

  3. AMEN to that thought and GOD willing I am sure you will one day


  4. Religion can be such a beautiful thing and it saddens me so much that you have been presented with forced to live with such a twisted version of religion. I do hope that you develop a relationship with your God and find peace.

    As always, I am here.

  5. I understand everyone has their own versions of what Islam is, but what your family taught you about solely entering into heaven and making others walk on the same path is only partly true. You are happy with the religion you believe in, I respect that but trust me Islam is much more than that and it's a beautiful religion. You should read the Qur'an, you'll know the gems it carries and it is nothing like what the society feeds our brains with since childhood.
    Hope you find your happiness and peace in this world and hereafter ofcourse. TC xx


  6. Sweetheart, our existence finite is determined by ourselves; I mean, this isnt TheEnd. Take your thumb and index finger and make a tiny space in between - precisely how long our lifelong demise is, dear, thus we're Divinely Judged in the General Judgment on how worthy our lives were; how we lived, did we worship Almighty God, did we love our neighbor... ?? Follow us and wiseabove.

    What's your address in the hereafter, dear? Dunno? Mine's 111 Rock-Solid-Ave, Milky Weight, Seventh-Heaven. My droolin' mansion? Ha. A grandiose, 3-acre-stuccoish home in a cul-de-sac with mountain-bike-trails we may conform with our thots. My intimacy with women Upstairs? Includes skiing, surfin, snorklin, scarlet scent to snuggle and serve: slow, soft, supersonic sex; love making is like an explosion, like fireworks: you light each other's fuse in Heaven (never on earth unless you're married). But, yet, a sassy, savvy, passionate antidote, too: plethora abundance of high-degree, ultra-psychotropic, kick-ass, party-hardy, white-water-rawwness every, single, evening with guhroovilishous avatars, tender faeries, cereal killers and symbiotic, front-row-seats. My many planets and gorgeous girls? Gotta gobba lotta IQ, too, withe K2 orchestra only accessable to adolescents: TOTALLY YOURS!!! How? Gotta! accept! Jesus, dudess!! So, let's accelerate to the Maximum #@!!☆ POW!er; let's populate the universe, girl, withe afterglow of loyalty to the Bright Son. Wanna join me in God's wild Kingdome? Time, as an entity, is also mortal: while thars no time in Seventh-Heaven, yet, puuuh-lenty of time to love. Yummm...

    ...cuzz the only other realm aint too cool: a sweltering, cramped cell; BeavisNbutthead sawing-off your cranium with a chainsaw; o'er-the-Hillary profusely cakkkling for the length and breadth of eternity. How purrrecious! sez Gollum. 'Nuff sed. Decide NOW where YOU wanna spend eternity. -or-
    -blessed b9


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