Saturday, January 11, 2014

The Guilt

I have a guilt in my heart. The size of the guilt is as big as resentment,as hollow as sadness and as pure as a gem. The guilt doesn't have a double face, it acknowledges itself and somehow makes the presence less hateful and harmful to me. But I wonder how long I can live with such a guilt? Sometimes, the guilt doesn't seem far greater that the offerings from the other side because they seems to be so appealing and gives me a sense of freedom.

I grew up in a world that feeds me with the fear of God and His punishment. If you cross the borderline,you'll rot in hell and be tortured for the rest of your death. But what happens to something that you fear so much? It wears you down,it makes your shoulders hunch, sag your eyes and makes your palms sweat. And what happened when you have passed the fear line, you will start to hate it, the mere existence of fear wont make sense anymore because you have embraced bravery and for once you know how it feels to relax your shoulder and release the grip of your palms. 

But,everything comes with a price, this bravery that you have embraced gave birth to guilt. A feeling of betraying and denying the past of your inner child. A moment of rebelling against everything you have been taught. The thoughts of what others will label you now.

But this guilt certainly doesn't hurt as much as fear because for now I have learned how to love with all my heart.

12 comments:

  1. Guilt comes mostly when you do something you actually want to do but are not allowed to according to the norms for the society. Until the guilt is arising coz of this....IGNORE IT!

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    1. I'm learning to ignore these thoughts..sometimes I got sick of this guilt

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  2. We have to love God. No relation can ever sustain itself through fear alone.

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    1. I hope I can love God someday...I hope He loves me too

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  3. I have dealt with guilt a lot in my life - it can really take a toll. But I find that we often place more guilt on ourselves than we actually deserve.

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    1. Your words somehow console me.. I think I dont deserve that much guilt in my heart..

      Thanks

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  4. Cryptic. I am sure this has a background. All I would say is there are two kinds of Gods out there. The first and more popular these days is the angry God, the one who condemns you to hell at a sneeze. The other, less conspicuous is the merciful Lord. He who holds your hand through thunder and snow.

    Close your eyes in a silent prayer. Both these gods live in us. Choose wisely.

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    1. Long story behind my post.
      I like the second type of God more.. :)

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  5. Make peace with it. Accept it. That's the only way to deal with it.

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  6. I don't need a God to be afraid of, a guilt is terribly overrated. We all need to escape sometimes, it's what makes us human. Take care sweetie <3

    /Avy

    http://mymotherfuckedmickjagger.blogspot.com

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    1. Agree with you..Thats what makes us human

      You too take care sweetie. I hope Paris is being kind to you.

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