I find it extremely difficult to write this and that's why I procrastinated so long before posting this entry. Not that I have some sad moments in my past but i just don't know what to write actually. What does first love means? Is that the crush that I had with the guy next door? Or is it the way that a guy in school kept looking at me for one year without even attempting to approach me? I dont really know. Love is mysterious in its own way and I think to be in love is such a luckiest thing in the world.
I guess all a girl need is one true love that can make her flush away all her childhood crushes into the toilet bowl and delete that part of her life from the memory compartment in the brain.To be honest,I'm not the golden girl in college that all the guys are after for.I'm just a normally abnormal girl who prefer to sit quietly in the cafetaria and feels uncomfortable when anyone walks towards me with a tray of food to share the table and the meal time with me. I stop socializing some years ago. Marriage invitation will be unattended. Friends and colleagues birthdays are usually forgotten deliberately. Phone calls will always be silenced and I will only call back if there's anything urgent. I can say I stop looking forward to a lot of things in my life because I'm just too confused on what is true and what is not. Not to mention about the constant struggle within myself.
But despite all this, someone is always there to buy me food and accompany me during my meal time. Someone who I find it so comfortable to be with and someone's whose calls I will alway try to attend or call back when the time permits. Someone who looks me beyond my imperfections,someone who agrees to spend the lifetime with me even after all the tensions that I give him always,someone who tolerates my mood swings,someone who chose me instead of others,someone who decided not to walk away during difficult times and someone who wants to grow old with me...
Someone who is a walking encyclopedia,someone who taught me the logic of human's existence,someone who flips the coin and makes me to think the both sides of the story.Maybe there's a reason why it took so many years for him to meet me. But I'm glad that I met him now and I would like him to be a part of my future no matter what path I will take in my life.
And that's what I call as my first love..