In the moment of despair who do you believe, the family members that you are slowly walking away from or the friends that kept on asking what’s wrong with you and why are you turning a cold shoulder on us? Or the love of your life sitting there next to you almost every day, wondering what had made this girl with sparkling eyes changed so much and trying so hard to make the smile appear again. The melancholic feeling that I have is stressing him much but at the same time I do know how much he yearns to see that smile, the kind of smile that reaches the ears, the kind of smile that brings up the tiny dimples to the surface.
I don’t want to change but changes are inevitable. We change all the time but the essences are still there. If you ripped out my soul, you will still see me, the cheerful girl with that bright smile, the weird girl that reads and writes. I am still here, very much present although my thoughts are scattered everywhere. Yes, very much present but just constantly travelling back and forth between the past and the future.
Future scares me, I have thought many times to end my life but then what makes me to hang on a little longer. The same people that I questioned earlier, the family members that are coming closer to me even when I deliberately pushing them away from me all the time, the friends that’s not giving up on me and the love of my life, who once looked into my eyes and told me, Do you want to know the reason why God brings you here? He did it for me because I need you and you have to hang on because I need you.
And that’s why the knife is still inside the drawer and that’s why the walk to the pharmacy never took place at all and that’s why I woke up every day with a tiny shimmering light of hope in my heart that says just hang on, a little longer for yourself and for them. And that’s the reason for everything...